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BBits & Qips
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What We Have Here

Nothing fancy here. Just a repository for my material, with the occasional new bit or quip over to the right (on a desktop). It's mostly humor and fiction --- print, web, radio, standup, and some unsold stuff.

There's corporate communications aplenty, too, for prospective employers who'd like to see some samples. Just ask.

My humor credits include The New York Times; public radio’s “Morning Edition,” “Marketplace” and “Living on Earth” programs; Slackjaw; The Motley Fool; Points in Case; The Haven; PsychCentral; Speechwriters Newsletter; and sundry other outlets.

 

There's a novel here as well, called Thank God for That, an antic yarn in which the vampires of Washington, D.C., vie with the vultures of Madison Avenue for the title of “Most Likely to Wreck the Republic in the Regular Course of Business.” It’s a close race.

 

The manuscript retains its chaste virtue by virtue of never having been published or optioned. So if you are or know someone who knows an agent, publisher, filmmaker or macher, here's an opportunity to get in on the ground floor.

I'm also proud of the course I developed for a freshman writing class I taught at George Washington University prepandemic. It traces the history of American political demagogues, from Cleon of Athens to Trump of Queens.

Finally, should you find yourself in want of words — speech, presentation, remarks, op-ed, essay, newsletter article, eulogy, toast, letter of interest, note of apology, recriminating text, pleading email, bris barb, quips for any occasion, or punched-up prose of any kind, let’s talk.

  • I'm a failed people pleaser.
     

  • I've got the holiday blues, work blows, my knee hurts, the cold weather's crushing what's left of my spirit, my dog is going blind, I'm bloated, and I've got nothing coming in from amazon. But I can't complain.
     

  • 3-legged stool? Hard pass!
     

  • Have you ever thanked someone from the top of your heart?
     

  • ​It's weird that so many ancient Greeks didn't have limbs or heads. Look at the photos!

 

  • Never understood death row inmates who order gargantuan last meals. The last thing I wanna do after a huge meal is get executed. Too full!

 

  • Still in shock. This is not the country I thought it was. I just can't believe it! I'm the only one who  sometimes confuses "hijab" with "handjob."
     

  • I'm a big backer of tighter gun laws, or as I call it, “Right to Life Without Getting Shot in the Throat While Being Carjacked.”

 

  • It’s one month since I swore, on the lives of my children, that I’d stop drinking, start exercising, and finally get my shit together. Sure do miss those kids.

  • Actually, there are dumb questions. Lots of them.
     

  • You know who you never hear about? The first of the Mohicans. What's that guy's story?
     

  • What if it isn't what it is?
     

  • Why do waiters always want to know if I want a cock tail? No I do not, thank you very much.
     

  • Pollsters asked voters their views on the hateful partisanship that's destroying the country. 57% said "Yes," 72% said they like pie.
     

  • Remarks Rarely Heard, Chapter 12: “I gotta get inside more often.”
     

  • Remarks never heard, Chapter 1: "You gotta read David Brooks's column today. He nailed it!"

  • House ethics investigation of Matt Gaetz finds none.
     

  • Never understood death row inmates who who order gargantuan last meals. The last thing I feel like doing after a huge meal is getting executed. Too full!”

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